


Red Velvet Cake

by Shipping_fever



Category: Homestuck, Humanstuck - Fandom
Genre: Humanstuck universe, M/M, More tags to be added, Mr egbert has a first name fight me, Signless is a good dad just in his own way, Smoking, gay dads being together, its probs gonna be a lot of porn bc i suck as a human being, lots of baking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-07-29 06:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16258961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipping_fever/pseuds/Shipping_fever
Summary: Mr. Egbert likes life to be lived a certain way: Clean cut lawn, everyone showing to the neighbor hood watch program, baking for school events. These are the simple things a father should be able to do right? Mr Vantas breaks these rules and many more. He annoys you like nothing else. So why on earth are you attracted to him.





	1. Chapter 1

Current time is 7:30 am

 

Your name? James Egbert 

 

Occupation: Data converter at the Office but Father at home 

 

Yes your name is James Egbert but a majority of people refer to you as Mr Egbert which is very much okay with you. It comes off as polite which is always welcomed! Manners seem to be lost among a lot of people. Looking out of your backyard window your eyes shine with pride as the lawn before you reveals itself a picture perfect backyard like straight from a magazine. Drying your hands off on your apron you hang the article of clothing up while adjusting your tie ready to do what you do every day which is to drive John to school! 

 

"Dad! Im riding with Karkat!" the blur that falls from the stairs calls out which makes you almost let the pip in your mouth slip. You dont let that happen of course you need to keep your composure. This has never happened before, you are a man of routine so change does not come without precaution,  so you follow your boy outside handing him a lunch. Mr. Vantas is parked outside your house with his own son sitting shotgun, the truck is rusty red which makes your nose scrunch along with the loud rock music blasting from the windows as john hops into the bed OF THE TRUCK?! THAT ISNT SAFE! 

 

Mr. Vantas was texting as his son Kankri runs from across the street to hop into the back with john, it wasnt long before Leijon girls joined them with their matching cat backpacks.  The youngest kitty themed girl of the cat family hits the top of the truck causing Mr. Vantas to put away his phone as they drive off making your gut twist with worry that john would be witnessed to a police giving them a ticket. 

 

After the drive off you barely have a chance to wave goodbye to john before the street is empty. Adjusting your tie you make a gulp to swallow that bitter taste in your mouth before casting your attention to the Vantas house across the street, the messy grass grows wild, the house seems okay but the kites on the roof that have been there since last winter drive you nuts. He needs to clean his house.

 

Mr. Vantas also needs the common sense to tell you when he decides to drive your son around without your permission, however its Friday meaning you have the day off so heading inside to ready for the neighborhood watch meeting. It takes awhile to type up a pamphlet before printing it out, cracking your back you stand up to see its only been twenty minutes. You Mr. Egbert don't have a lot planned today, you also don't like being alone. The house is dead silent which unease you, putting the papers on the coffee table you head into the kitchen ready to make breakfast- oh wait no you already had that. 

 

Clearing your throat your still waiting for Dave to come over to take the newest cakes home so you have room for more so baking will be on pause for the time being sadly. So what left was there to do? Heading to the living room you take your shoes off tucking them under the sofa neatly before turning on the Tv. Nothing catches your eyes really. Looking at the clock its only been five minutes. 

 

HEaring the truck return you head to the window not sure why you decided to check but there is Mr. Vantas heading inside his own home, perhaps you could bring up his messy lawn at the meeting. 

 

The day passes by very slowly, you hate showering during the day so all you do is clean. Behind the paintings, under your bed, the stove, all of it gets a deep clean! Looking at the clock only an hour passes which annoys you slightly. A nap sounded like a good idea at the time. Waking up though everything is a little foggy as you prepare your backyard for the meeting. Lemonade is places out, you also add the brownies you made last night to make room for more goodies you plan on baking tonight! When two o'clock hits the parents show up all unhappy o be here but this was needed to keep the children safe of course. 

 

The only person who's paying attention seems to be Mr. Ampora which isnt a lot compared to the other thirteen adults. Rubbing your forehead the meeting ends with no one signing up to help with the school dance meaning you are on watch duty by yourself next month . . . again. 

 

"Hey Egbert" 

 

He's the last person you wanna talk to right now- no wait the lawn! 

 

"Mr. Vantas a pleasure, I do wish to talk to you about the state of your yard" you say as he stuffs two cookies in your mouth. Its nice watching people enjoy your baked goods. He nods shrugging, "When i get to it" is his reply that makes your nose scrunch slightly. He stuffs another cookie in his mouth smears of chocolate around the corners of his lips while he nods not listening as you express the importance of a clean lawn. 

 

"Then of course- of of course-" You try to add as he licks his lips free of crumbs making your chest twist in a way as your mind goes a new direction you wished it didnt wanting to see if he tasted like cookies. Shaking your head he has a worried look on his face. He offers to help clean up which you accept. Putting everything away he walks you to the stairs saying something of how the heat might be getting to you. Mr. Vantas might be right. 


	2. Drinking

That night is a hard dinner to stomach. 

 

It shouldn't be seeing as you took great care of cooking meatloaf and potatoes to perfection as always! Tonight however your eating alone seeing as John wanted to spend the weekend at Daves which you were fine with a boy needs his friends after all. Since the Striders have moved into town it seems your seeing less of your son than you would like to admit to. A knock at your door startles you as you leave your plate at the table unsure if you were gonna finish that at all, upon opening the door you see Mr. Vantas himself rather disheveled and sweaty as he grins at you proudly. "Hey John was telling me that i should of asked to take him to school so I mowed my lawn like you asked! You know like my way of waving a white flag? I'm really sorry I wasn't thinking and well all that" he sighs awkwardly before stepping to the side to how off the much neater lawn . . . those kites are still up there but you should take what you can get. 

 

"I appreciate your efforts, it's rather late though you should be getting back to your kids no?" you ask trying to push this punk off your porch as he laughs you off shaking his head letting you know that Karkat was at the sleepover as well while Kankri was out with the other teens you weren't familiar with but it was some sort of hang out at the skate park so it seems Mr. Vantas was alone tonight much like yourself. Now your mother taught you the importance of being a good neighbor so you offer him some dinner to which he greedily accepts kicking his boots off at the door which you thank silently before your both sitting down at the table your stomach now finding some hunger with a guest at the table. Your both drink water seeing as it was the healthiest option! He scarfs down your meal which fills you with pride while you make small talk about your boys as well as working. 

 

He insist at some point through out the meal that you call him by his first name but that really doesn't sound proper-

 

No ignore that its a argument for another day

  

You find out that he works at the bar downtown which doesn't come as a surprise, going on you serve two servings of cherry pie along with some whiskey seeing as you were in need of getting a sleep aid. The conversation turns to something more entertaining seeing as the booze hits you both and soon your bragging about past lovers along with embarrassing parenting mistakes like Mr. Vantas- er Karcin taking the wrong kid home from the mall or yourself messing up on laundry on a busy day and john had to go to a school dance with a pink shirt rather than a white one. Soon it turns from late too very late and the once full whiskey bottle is almost half empty meaning bed time was just around the corner.   

 

The night is a blurr of him leaving with a cake as you clumsily undress upstairs and crawl into bed your head spinning from the booze but feeling more content you didn't spend all night alone in your kitchen. 

 

Morning comes much to early for your tastes as your eyes scrunch closed shut while your hand tries to find your phone that should be something by your nightstand, bringing it under the covers away from the sun turning it on makes you hiss slightly at the light from the phone seeing that there were no texts or calls. You would be lying if you didn't say your feelings were slightly hurt seeing how independent John was growing up to be. As a father you feel proud but as a man who has isolated himself over the past seventeen years to focus on raising a kid but is now getting the backlash of missing out on life? 

 

Sitting up you hate how your mind is bashing on yourself but this is something you've been mulling over for quite some time, John would be moving away to college soon with his friends then what would you do? Sit by the phone waiting for John to call for money? Sighing you slowly get up putting on just a t shirt and slippers to relax on the sofa downstairs while checking your only social media page called "Next Door" a sort of site were you could keep up to date on what was going on in the town. It seems the bar was having a sorts of talent show for anyone to join which was a good excuse to start getting out there. Soon you'd be too old to leave the house so you should at least try to see this town better before it was too late. You let John know that the spare key will be under the mat as you were going to be out on the town to enjoy some time at the bar to which you get a cat emoji which you aren't sure what that means.

 

The day drags on slowly as you enjoy just watching bad day time TV while picking at some grapes you had in the fridge not really feeling like you could stomach anything seeing as you were already panicking about tonight's event

"what am i doing" you sigh out rubbing your tired face

 

Sunset approaches as you leave your home wearing a nice suit jacket along with a button up with a nice blue tie that seemed party appropriate that was different from a black tie you usually wore. The car drive there was short but it was you sitting in the parking lot looking at the entrance for almost an hour now unsure if you were ready for this at all or perhaps you should just go home- 

 

Soon muffled music starts up inside the building while you muster up the courage to at least have one drink, you can do this James Egbert! You lifted a safe! Stepping out of the car you give a nervous wheeze before getting back in shaking your head at how stupid this idea was. It takes a smoke from your pipe before you finally walk into the bar a bit relived to see various parents from the neighborhood are here playing pool or cards while you quietly take a seat at the bar. Seeing a man's back towards you a smile is on your lips as you call out to Karcin for a drink feeling confident you two would talk seeing as last night went smoothly. Turning around however this man was not Karcin but poured you some coke and rum while you try to hide your red face from seeing a stranger as your neighbor. Soon however your enjoying very interesting talent shows on stage of the bar.

 

A puppet show about not giving back your neighbors lawnmower was played out, many karaoke songs were sung before ending with a bad magic show by a drunk couple but it was still impressive that they only set the boyfriend tie on fire while his lady took a shot. You finished one drink before switching to some water as you wanted to be a responsible driver after all! Walking up to sit by you its easy to recognize as those Captor boys father, he nods before taking a long swig from his beer he must of gotten earlier before clearing his throat. 

 

"Tho your finally out of your houth?" he asks and you nod unsure on how you should answer that. Why were you nervous? You were out for a drink that was all! You're acting like a  criminal on the run. "Glad you came out, at leatht now we know you aren't a vampire or whatever" he snorts while you nod happy to have some company for the evening as you two chat about the bee hive that the city provided for the park and the plans for a graduation party next year for all the kids in the neighborhood which sounded price efficient. 

 

After an hour or so you wrap up your time at the bar finding yourself still looking around for Karcin wondering where he was this evening? Not that it was any of your business but he did mention working here didn't he? Walking outside to the chilly night air you can't help but worry about why you were looking for Karcin in the first place? He did mention working here is that the reason you came out tonight? You worry about becoming a clingy friend as you drive home parking your car and walking in your home to see John asleep on the sofa with the tv on. Smiling you turn off the tv before putting a blanket over your son and headed upstairs to shower and change into your sleepwear as your phone dings with a message from the Next Door app. 

 

Plugging your phone in there seemed to be no harm in checking it before you sleep seeing it was from the devil himself Mr. Karcin

 

"Heard you were looking for me at work, I'm flattered Mr Egbert but i work the graveyard shift which might be too late for your party life"

 

you frown a bit at him assuming your 'party life'

 

"Just text me if you wanna hang out next time"

 

An amused sigh escapes your mouth before you lay down, this may lead to a friendship and thats all you could ask for 


	3. Cuts and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spooky Kissing

 

The next few weeks have been something that you weren't used to and that was busy

 

Hanging around Karcin was like edging yourself to jump into the deep end of the pool for the first time, something thrilling and yet at the same time making you hesitant for when you started. Friday nights became a regular pass time of Karcin coming over to take you out on the town for a movie or simple walks around the river near your neighborhood which was as selfish as it may sound much nicer than hanging around the house waiting for your son to need his hero dad to help in anyway he could. 

 

For once you James Egbert are being a tad selfish and enjoying life outside being a father

 

Now this doesn't mean that you are throwing away simple duties like cleaning the home or cooking for john but you do come to terms that he wont need you when college starts and it was a good idea to have some sort of life after he leaves the nest. Karcin has been a great distraction until that day by helping you out with co parenting one could label it, it started with you having dinner at his house which was rather fun along with loud 

 

The Vantas house is very shouty not that you mind but John wasn't keen on staying afterwards to watch a movie though you feel a bit sadden that you arent staying longer

 

Of course this goes both ways with you letting Karkat as well as Kankri hang out at your house after school to do homework which means more to taste test your new cookie recipes. Kankri appreciates your company seeing as you both get to debate for . . . a long long time about politics or economics, Karkat likes the sweets but you can tell John isn't happy sharing your attention as he locks himself into his room

 

You'll talk to him later about how to host when guests are over

 

A few months pass and soon summer weather melts into the cool embrace of fall, the leaves turning into a pallet of oranges or red around town that makes a smile come easier to your face. Fall was always your favorite season seeing as it was perfect in your eyes with being cool weather along with the most colorful of seasons however that could just be your opinion. As you drive home the sun is setting making a beautiful sight as you turn the radio off to enjoy the silence of the almost empty car seeing as you dropped off John and his friends at the high school for a Halloween dance. 

 

It was barely pass 6 but looking in the passenger seat Karcin was already half asleep which makes you question if he would be up to carving a few pumpkins like you offered earlier in the day. Parking the car however gives him a boost as he stretches in his seat, arching his back while putting his arms over his head in a stretch you can see his lower stomach peak out from his t shirt showing a tan torso with a dark brown happy trail to sneak up from his jeans that make your brain spin a bit. 

 

Shaking your head you try to muffle that thought to the back of your mind like you almost always do 

 

Karcin is a friend which is all he should be

 

Getting out of the car he follows you into the house before sitting on the kitchen table where a few pumpkins are already gutted and ready to be turned into some art. Loosening your tie the both of you take a seat by one another before drawing out some ideas for these jack o lanterns for your front porch, like every year you go with a simple smiling face while Karcin goes for a ghost for his. After a few moments he asks you what your plans are for tonight and to be honest you were planning on eating some cake before heading to bed as lame as that might of sounded out loud but you are rather a lame person or so John teases you about. 

 

Karcin confides in you that he would probably do the same after this, your arms brush against one another meaning you could feel the heat from his body through your thin button up shirt causing you to get up and grab a drink while your face heats up slightly not used to any physical contact. True it wasn't like . . . well . . you know he touched anything but still your mind was in a foggy place from earlier. It pains to say the past few days your eyes have not been behaving when around Karcin for some reason. 

 

Pouring each of you a small cup of whiskey you both continue to carve the fruit and before long you have three wonderfully carved masterpieces to rest on your door step before leaving a bowl of candy out knowing someone might just come to take the whole thing but your much to tired to answer the door numerous times this evening. Now the sun has long gone vanished meaning the weather was much colder along with various starts shining up above as you walked back in closing the door behind you making sure it was locked before returning to the kitchen were Karcin was washing the carving tools. 

 

For a moment while you lean against the door frame to roll up your sleeves you appreciate his figure by the sink as he had a rather focused look on his face, it was hard not to appreciate everything about this man if James could be honest for a moment  . .. that or the booze was causing you to loose your composure. He was handsome in the rough n tough kinda way you would spot someone at a bar with his rock band t shirts and washed out jeans. His shaggy hair was always curling in odd ways that defied gravity much like his sons hair would . . . it must be genetic?

 

Turning off the sink he turns around before leaning against the counter giving out a tired sigh

 

He has soft reddish brown eyes that are always warm to stare into, you find yourself looking into them now in a way a drowning man would cling to a raft. Karcin was a floating device keeping you from falling into a bland existence letting what little of your life swoop by before you know it. You know little about Karcins past and wonder how he did have his children or where the mother was. You do know that hes younger than you by a few years, he admits to almost being a teen parent which might explain his party attitude he has at times which might come off as immature to some but in a way you can see how that now his boys are all grown up he wants to get back some of that lost youth. 

 

Sometimes when you do find yourself admiring him like this you have to remember that your a bit too old for affection- 

 

Is that even appropriate to label it like that?

You have thought about what it would be like if you can be honest, waking up in his intensely warm embrace in either home tangled up in each others arms like some silly love novel. After dinner you wouldn't have to say that goodbye and just crawl into bed with him. You are a strong man there is no doubt yet at the same time there was this craving to just let someone else care for you as weak or selfish that may sound. Karcin is gently enough to were you feel like he could do that for you without breaking you- 

 

"Do I have something on my face?" he suddenly asks as you shake your head offering a tired smile before looking away realizing you were getting caught up in your fantasy you were being a rather rude host

 

 _Would he kiss you goodnight?_   Your face burns slightly as your mind unravels the thoughts you've been pressing down not even sure how the two of you would even make such a thing work

 

Would he hold you close? Fill your hunger for companion ship? Spark something in your dull existence?

 

Karcin says something about leaving early only to pause in front of you in the entry way with little room between you both as he stares into your eyes with a soft warm smile as if admiring a painting. You wish you were worthy of being something as complicated or interesting as a painting. 

 

He's barely your height but you don't mind seeing as most of your past lovers have been shorter than yourself, it might of been the whiskey to loosen your self restraint as you cup his face running your fingers across his unshaven face. Quickly he leans up to seal your lips together in a kiss that you happily return just happy that you had a sliver of hope in someone wanting you. Karcin has thankfully never lost his touch it seems with how to kiss someone in an intimate way, it was soft as well as drawn out in a way that made your breath shorten in your chest. 

 

His hands roam across your jawline and into your neatly gelled back hair leaving a trail of intense heat as he gently tugged you closer if that was at all possible, soon your body is away from the door frame to instead be pressed against his body. Your hands fumble to his hair which was softer than you expected before going across his chest and down to his hips making Karcin sigh as you do so. 

 

Pulling away your trying to catch your breath as he starts along your neck in wet kisses as you squeeze his hips before hugging him closer to yourself as he nips at your ear making rather impolite sounds from the back of your throat as he grins against your skin. 

 

You ask for him to stay to which he nods in a silent agreement as he works your tie off your shirt completely,  hugging him close your rather embarrassed about your clingy behavior as Karcin starts to latch onto your neck working a spot for a mark as you in well unflattering terms were pulling him closer to yourself. Hesitantly you pull away as he growls slightly like a dog's chew toy being taken away.

 

Lets not use that term again James

 

You inform Karcin that this isn't the place to start making out and Karcin sighs out with a grin asking you if upstairs was more appropriate. Your rather embarrassed at how easily he leads you upstairs to your room with quick kisses that may lead to something a bit more. You really shouldn't be thinking about this, you should of said goodnight but here you are tumbling into your room. As soon as your in your room he starts to pull off his shirt tossing it to the ground. 

 

You aren't sure what to focus on the fact clothes aren't in the hamper or how good Karcin looks without that article of clothing, unlike  many other dad's you've seen at pool side the man in front of you is much  . . . firmer? No in shape is a much more appropriate term, this makes you a bit hesitant to start taking off your own shirt. Thankfully he takes the reins backing you up against your bed to the point you need to sit down or fall over as he makes slow work unbuttoning your shirt while soothing your nervous mind with slow kisses. In your haste you forgot to turn the bedroom light on but in a sense the dark room makes you feel more confident, as if the dark would cover up how rusty you were at this whole intimacy thing. 

 

His tongue swipes along your lips and you weakly have to part your mouth as he slips his tongue into your mouth making you give a small surprised hiccup, soon your shirt is joining his own on the floor as your stay like this for a moment. Pulling away you desperately need air while your arms wrap around his neck gently tugging him closer after all this bed was big enough for two. Never say that out loud James a gentlemen should be reserved.

 

"Oh hey listen im all down for marking up your chest, maybe even get that clean cut look all messy but we should kinda adult and talk about what you want" he said as you sigh a bit frustrated at how yes you should be responsible about this. In a fantasy way you thought this would go like in the movies were both parties know what they want and everything goes down flawless but of course this isnt the movies

 

"I want you" you sigh out tiredly, you also inform Karcin that your not even sure how your suppose to do this type of thing and he laughs a bit weakly before he tugs your pants off which was a good sign you were thinking to yourself. If in all honesty you were worried he'd stop and this would be the only chance you'd have at his touch as foolish as that sounds now that you think about it. 

 

He kneals down at the foot of the bed while his hands lift up your thighs as you crumble like a weary wall and lay back to look up at what ceiling you could see from the light outside. He starts out with kisses from your inner thigh to the seams of your underwear which was a wonderful gesture as he leans up to kiss along your stomach that is some might call a bit softer than most. Still he kisses with care even placing a few open mouth kisses which make you tense in rather embarrassing places which you hope he doesnt take too much note of.

 

You are wrong of course

 

So very wrong as his warm mouth finds itself on the outside of your boxers placing a dozen open mouth kisses on an area that needed it the most no matter how much you will deny that fact. His pace is slow and welcoming as he eases you into his motions that vary from quick kisses to long drawn out almost dare you say teasing licks until your hips let out a small squirm that slips out from your control. Now before anything else is said you were trying your best to be in control of your actions not wanting to buck against his mouth as show from your white knuckle grip on the blanket beneath you. 

 

"Sorry-" you slur out as he shushes you while easing down your boxers taking your socks with them leaving you bare to the world or well at least your neighbor as he softens his eyes before shifting a bit to get a better angle to sink his mouth down against your dick swirling his tongue in slow circles as he did so. Low groans escape your throat as you let a shaky hand grip their hair to get some sort of hold on the situation in a non metaphor way. 

 

The slow pace is almost agonizing as he takes his time taking apart every seam you've carefully stitched together to become a proper man of a household with that devilish tongue of his. You've been teased before don't mistake that fact but something about how he's dancing around giving into pleasing you drives you mad! His tongue nurses rather sensitive spots along your shaft to popping off completely to tend to your lower stomach or kiss your hipbone making you grunt in agony as he chuckles softly to himself like the mad man he was. Finally after his hands settle on your rear end which was admittedly a new feeling of embarrassment he bobs his head as a wonderful pace that you make sure to let him know how thankful you are about the change of pace quite a few times. 

 

You aren't a man of many words but tonight there just flowing out with every motion this man makes

 

James Egbert is usually a neat and quiet man but it seems tonight your neighbor tends to make you the opposite of that

 

His hands aren't letting up with making sure your rear end gets the same amount of attention and you must admit its a rather alien feeling to have someone so interested in it but at the same time endearing how much attention is going into it. Its embarrassing how your already panting as your legs tighten around his head a bit but this doesnt seem to slow him down as he gets an urge to push himself to go slightly faster. 

 

You remember warning him numerous times that your close but he doesn't seem to care really

 

It isnt long before he finishes you off and your body is still rolling itself into his mouth and for the first time in a long time you feel weak, the feeling is welcomed in this situation as he pulls off your dick to swallow what you left behind making your ears burn but too tired to really do anything. As he stands up you want to protest him leaving but Karcin simply goes to close ( and hopefully lock ) the bedroom door before kicking his own jeans off and crawling into bed dragging you both under the sheets to snuggle in for the night. Laying with your back to him its obvious to feel that he hasn't taken care of himself yet but before you can reassure him its more than okay to go to the bathroom to relive his condition hes already snoozing soundly his arms locked around your waist as you slowly succumb to sleep despite your best efforts to fight it.

 

Morning is going to be a challenge isn't it?


End file.
